


Stargazing

by astronautdan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, astronautdan, its very fluff but please read the disclaimers in the notes below first!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:57:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronautdan/pseuds/astronautdan
Summary: Dan likes the stars: and Phil.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count: 3.6k
> 
> Genre: angst, fluff, au
> 
> Warnings: *spoilers ahead* mentions of family abuse, homophobia
> 
> Beta: thank you so so so much to @drizzle-lester, @danthesoftestnerd and @planetliguori on tumblr for helping me with this ~

Dan liked the stars. Stargazing during dark nights on the roof of his house always made him feel calm. The 11 year-old loved to watch the sky; a stress reliever after horrible, yet bearable days. Living on the far end of town, people didn’t question the boy who sat on the rooftop of his family’s household. Dan was invisible to the outside world and that was okay. The stars sparkled from the sky, and Dan gazed at the natural bright lights coming from above. Sometimes, Dan wished he could touch the stars and feel their glow on the palm of his hand. He wanted to have the light, feel it. But for now, he could only look below and admire them.

Dan's cold roof made his back feel chilly; warm nights were the best when it came to stargazing. England's wind made stargazing even better, due to the fact that Dan hated really hot weather and the wind would allow for a clear visible window. When clouds blocked Dan's marvelous view, he would instead look at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered on his white roof. Of course, they were never as beautiful as the ones outside. Dan counted the stars on his ceiling every day: he had exactly 209, all plastered in different constellations and patterns. Nothing beat the real stars though; their light and brightness in the dark. Everything was beautiful outside his household.

Phil never really went outside. He loved to make paper planes on his carpet, occasionally colouring outside the lines, staining his floor (and carpet) with crayons. His favorite shades were the greens and blues, the meshes perfectly blended together. Last time he counted, he had 209 crayons, as that was the only object he’d ask for his birthday. Normally, Phil would draw the plants sat on the edge of his balcony, but occasionally, he’d see the stars and like to draw them too. The bright lights illuminated his room at night, and once in awhile he’d just sit there, enjoying their presence. One day, Phil wanted to make someone as happy as how the stars and plants made him feel.

Phil sat on his floor; he didn’t know what to draw. The fairy lights on his walls changed colors consistently, while he stared at his lightly dimmed room. He pictured a rainbow, but it was only dark outside. The cacti on the ledge created shadows circling the carpet, while Phil would lightly touch the grey with his fingertips. Phil scooted to the top of his ledge to stare at the stars since the gloomy clouds of England weren’t covering them up today, he stared as he tried to decipher constellations, but knew nothing. A few meters away, looking slightly up, he found a boy, wearing jeans with lightly trimmed brown hair sat on his roof, and he couldn’t help but feel that he was lonely. The boy stared at the sky as if the stars were his only friend, and Phil couldn’t help to feel the same. Shuffling down from the short ledge, Phil picked up a piece of paper and began messily writing a note. Rising up to his bed, he began to fold the rough piece of paper, tongue sticking out slightly. Opening the window slightly, Phil aimed the paper plane and threw it into the midnight air, in hope that the object would fall upon the boy’s lap.

Dan stared at the sky and rubbed his arm slightly; the stars made him feel happier. He sighed quietly and lay on his chilly rooftop. The trapdoor was slightly open, exposing some light into the outside air. His wool jumper clung to him as a cloud proceeded to cover some of the stars; the only thing he wanted to do was touch them. Suddenly, a piece of paper crashed into his head, startling Dan, almost slipping off the roof. Rubbing his head, he quickly grabbed the piece of paper, which was actually folded into an airplane and opened it carefully;

“Maybe one day we could ride a plane and visit the stars up close.”

Dan skirted to his left in search of the owner of the note, but no one was present on the ledge of the window of the next door house. Dan blushed lightly and calmly laid down again; “maybe I will.” Even from the roof you could hear the screaming inside the household, even with the gust blowing through Dan’s ears the noise would not leave. Shuffling to the right, he disappeared under his trapdoor and lay on his floor looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars.

~||~

Dan liked the stars, though he wished he knew who the note was from. It’d been a few days since he’d last gone up to the roof, due to the fact that England’s weather would not cooperate with him and his hobbies. A star in his bedroom had also lost its stickiness and fallen on to Dan’s bed. Shouts erupted from downstairs, and Dan couldn’t take it any longer. Grabbing a grey hoodie, he proceeded to open the door and climb to the roof and through the downpour outside. There were no stars, no lights, no feeling: the rain masked what was truly inside. The only source of light was through a pair of curtains that came from the next door window, where fairy lights changed colors every fives seconds (Dan had counted). He layed down and closed his eyes, letting the water soak his hair. He wanted someone to understand him: someone to love him. All he had was the rain drenching his clothing and the grey cloud looming above his head.

The dark-haired boy stared from the window at the boy in the window. The rain was pouring as Phil peeked through his curtains at the tall boy, laid on his back, hoodie covering his eyes. His hair was curly; he looked like a hobbit. The thought of that made Phil blush lightly and giggle. He’d have to wait for the rain to settle to throw an airplane. He stared at the boy as he shuffled to lie down. The rain had quickly stopped. Phil rushed to his desk and scribbled a small note down with a drawing of a plant under. Opening his window slightly, he saw the boy staring at him. Quickly closing the curtains again, he sat back down, heart pounding. He hoped the boy hadn’t seen him. Waiting a bit, he slowly opened the window again, to see the boy gone.

The house called for Dan; the lights, the curtains, the plants. The blue eyes had stared right back at him, but immediately vanished. His dark hair had been covering part of his face, but it was enough to see the sparkling sea. Settling down, Dan went down to his room to stare at his ceiling and think about the boy with the eyes for hours. The next day, a paper plane lay on the rooftop, slightly damp from the night mist. Dan opened the note;

“May I join you space boy? My name’s Phil, what’s yours?"

Staring at the note, he finally realized he had a name for a face; Phil. Going down his trapdoor to grab a pen, he roughly wrote down his name.

“My name’s Dan, and some company would really be nice.” The window was left nicely open so a perfectly aimed airplane could fit through, but Dan had no physical skills and instead decided to scrunch the note into a ball and throw into “Phil’s” room. Even with his terrible abilities, the paper did go through. Smiling, Dan laid down as he awaited a response from the boy next door.

A pair of azure eyes and black hair peeked from the window, eventually revealing a smile. Another paper plane headed at Dan, and now knowing his motives, caught it in the air. Opening it slowly, he saw a drawing of a clear painted sky;

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Dan.” When he looked up, the curtain was closed and the boy was nowhere to be found.

~||~

Dan liked the stars, but he didn’t like them alone anymore. When Dan arrived at the roof, the boy awaited in the ledge of his own room, fairy lights still on a light blue inside. The colour of the room matched his eyes perfectly. Phil finished folding the plane and threw it at Dan;

“Don’t you ever get cold, sitting there alone?” The plane said.

This time Dan responded out loud to Phil.

“The stars keep me company, they obscure the unknown,” Dan told Phil calmly. Phil sat at his window’s edge, staring at the boy with the name Dan; he was cute. Phil couldn’t ignore the feeling, but the thought panicked him a bit: was he allowed to like boys?

“Let me join you then.” Phil merely stated, heaving a gigantic ladder through his window.

Dan stared in awe as Phil pushed a wooden ladder through the pane; “where the fuck did you get that?” Dan laughed.

“Look, I have my ways okay?” Phil smiled, his eyes crinkled and his tongue stood out. It made Dan blush. Carefully standing up, Phil crossed houses to Dan’s. His heart pounded, even if he wasn’t scared of heights. Sighing when he arrived to the other side, he sat down beside the star boy.

“It’s nice to have company sometimes, it’s more fun to stargaze with someone else,” Dan stated staring up to the sky.

“Well, I’m here now."

~||~

Dan liked the stars: and Phil. Of course Dan liked Phil, he was kind, cute, and his eyes captured everything like a photo lens. Dan was falling in love with a boy. The sight scared him a bit, especially with what was under him. His stomach ached as he lifted his shirt off his body. Stretching his arms, he winced. The pastel shirt covered them and Dan went drowsily to sleep.

Phil stared at his bare ceiling. He was happy. The pile of crayons lay on the other side of the room, another stack of paper planes lay near the window. He liked the boy: he was okay with it.

Dan awaited for him on the roof, and Phil slowly balanced himself through the ladder. Dan’s hands were behind his back.

“I wanted to give you something.” Phil stared blankly at the boy. “Thought you’d like it.” Dan passed Phil a pack of glow-in-the-dark stars. Phil giggled at the thought.

“Thank you.” Dan nodded and proceeded to look up. Phil had thought that nothing could surpass the beauty of nature; the plants somebody had created, the sky. But here he was, sitting beside a sad boy who reflected a nightly beauty.

“216 stars! Mixed size pack! Make your room look as bright as the night sky!”

The lights turned on the terrace of Dan’s house. Dan frantically looked at Phil.

“Shit, I have to leave. You should too. See you,” 

“Wait? What’s wrong why are you leaving?” But with that, Dan was gone and Phil was left on the roof of a boy’s house, alone. The trapdoor sounded with a bang. Leaving Phil in the dark. Crawling to the ladder, he climbed to his room and worried about the young boy. 

He couldn't sleep at all that night, it was worrying; the expression that Dan had on his face. What was so frightening that could make a beautiful boy change stanzas so quickly? Was he brave enough to save Dan? The stars Dan had given him were stuck on the ceiling, the thought of the boy lingered as he fell asleep.

~||~

Dan liked the stars, but the screaming wouldn’t stop, the sadness remained like a trench coat upon his body. He wanted to be alone, forget his life existed; he couldn’t take it anymore. He sat on the corner of his room, letting the tears fall. All that was left was a broken boy, in the corner of his bedroom with glow-in-the-dark stars above him. Loneliness overlapped him.

Phil stared outside the window, never to see the boy appear on the roof that night. Unfortunately, Dan's window was displayed on the other side of the house, so Phil wasn't able to know if he was there at all. Phil twirled a paper plane on his left hand, awaiting for the brown-haired boy. Dan's erratic behavior from the previous night dawned on Phil, but he believed Dan was fine, although the thought still nudged him at the back of the head. Cloudy outside, Phil gave up on the star boy ever coming outside, crumpling the note and dropping it to the floor two stories down, sliding back into his own room with the switching off the coloured fairy lights. 

"I'm always here if you need to talk. I don't know you well, but I know that I love you." Soon after the rain arrived, slogging up the note on the grassy floor. Lights went out that night with no interaction between the two.

A week had passed but there was no sign of the star boy, Phil was giving up. Maybe Dan wasn't interested at all; maybe he made it all up on his mind. He paced his room, all the anxious thoughts zipped around his head. "Did I do something wrong? Does he hate me? Did I make him angry?" He stared through his window for the fifth time that night, but yet again, Dan was not up there. A small pile of crumpled old airplanes lay in his bin. All with notes Phil was too scared to throw: Dan probably wouldn't see them anyways. A piece of paper on Phil's desk remained though, with a drawing of both boys stargazing together. He missed the boy, angrily grabbing the piece of paper, Phil threw the drawing out of the window, in which the ball landed on Dan's roof. Even more flushed, Phil slammed his window closed. He really hoped it rained that night.

Dan was lonely; he really missed the stars outside, but he was scared of Phil, he didn't want to be questioned for his behavior nights ago, he was scared someone would know, that it would lead to more consequences. What would happen if anyone found out? 

He had added more plastic stars to illuminate his dark room, and now he had 212 stars plastered on his ceiling. It didn't make him feel any better. Frustrated, Dan paced around his room, squishing a stuffed teddy bear in his arms.

Anxiety shook him as he bounced around the room: he felt trapped in here, but he was too scared to go outside too. He had nowhere to run to. The walls enclosed around him, breathing became rapid. The white pale walls proceeded to enclose on him; so he ran to the trapdoor and opened it to feel the breeze in his face. The wind wiggled his ears as he climbed on the roof, and he finally felt free again, he could breathe again. He sat down and hugged himself as he stared up at the luminescent lights of the world outside. Overlapping his beige sweater around his fingers, he lay down on the roof, but something itched on his back. A crumpled piece of paper lay where he had laid. He opened the paper to reveal a drawing of him and Phil stargazing. Shit. Phil. Was he worried about him? He had left for two weeks, was he mad at him? Freaking out, Dan threw the paper at Phil's window, later falling two stories down into his backyard. 

Why the fuck had he just done that?

A pair of bright lights turned on from Phil's room. Dan froze. The curtains opened to reveal Phil in his pajamas as he stared widely at the boy sitting on the roof. Phil rubbed his eyes as he stared at the boy sitting on the roof. He looked absolutely traumatized. 

"Hey Dan." Phil yawned with widened eyes; he was glad to see him again. Dan sat panicked, he wanted to leave but his legs wouldn't move. Phil jumped across the wooden ladder to sit beside Dan, and Dan yelped quietly as he shuffled more to the side. Grabbing his sweater with his fingertips, he hid his face underneath the wool, hoping that Phil wouldn't see the tears and the blush on his face. 

"Hey Phil." Silence surrounded both of them as they looked up at the stars. Constellations formed and the wind slowly brushed upon the boy's faces. Phil hugged his knees, staring at Dan staring at the stars; and all he could feel was love for him.

"Dan."

"Yeah Phil?"

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" Dan's eyes swelled up again as tears fell and began to soak up on his jumpers. He let out a small yelp as he hugged his knees, crying into his own arms. Phil shuffled closer and hugged him in his arms as muffled sobs came through the other boy. They lay together beside each other staring at the stars, as loud sniffles sounded through the night. Phil lay on the roof staring at Dan, as he breathed slowly in attempt to stop the sobbing. Phil lay out his hand to Dan; he grabbed it and squeezed it lightly. Their gazes met and Dan realized how the sea was as beautiful as the stars.

"You have pretty eyes you know." Phil looked to the side as he blushed profusely, covering his eyes with his hair. Dan grinned lightly, suddenly his expression turned to fear.

"I- have to go." Dan shuffled to the trapdoor and hid away from the night. Once again, Phil was left alone on the roof, to question what Dan had wanted to ask. Stuffing his hand into his pajama pocket, he lay open an airplane.

"I love you."

~||~

Dan was angry. Frustrated even: he had feelings for a boy, yet he couldn't make himself go for it. How would he even make it work? Phil would probably be disgusted with him if he knew Dan had romantic feelings for him. He was the only person he had to hold on to, yet, he was sitting alone in his room, crying as the bruises on his chest beat with his heart. He had gotten worse these days. The fighting became louder; he had heard a bottle break the day before. The only thing he did was hide in his room; he was too scared of him, why was he even here? Why was his mom allowing him to stay here, when she knew what he was doing to her was also being reciprocated on her son?

Dan needed to leave. He didn't know how, but he was done all this bullshit. He didn't have to take the anger of a drunk man who only cared about money. He needed to protect himself: his mother. Wiping the tears off his face, he thought of the places they could go, away from his father. His aunt lived farther up North; but Dan's hands shook with fear, he wouldn't have to see that asshole again. 

What about Phil. He was sure Phil didn't love him the way Dan did, but for him to feel no regrets, he had to tell him why he'd never see him again: in person. Grabbing a sheet of paper and the letter strewn near his desk, he climbed up to the trapdoor and led himself outside. Standing on the cold rooftop barefoot, he crunched the sheet up and threw it at the window. A soft thud resonated inside the bedroom as Phil woke up in cold sweat. Who was knocking on his door? Checking his clock, it was four in the morning: four hours after Dan had left hastily. Dragging himself up from the bed, he opened the curtain to see the soft boy staring at him, he couldn't help but melt in his gaze. Opening the window quietly he ushered Dan closer, to lazy to get up on the roof. 

"Hey, what's up? Are you okay?" Phil asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Can I come in actually? It's cold out here." Dan bit his lip at the question. Phil stared back startled; he wasn't expecting Dan to ask to come into his room.

"Sure." Grabbing the ladder, Dan came into the room slowly. Looking around, Dan saw all the beautiful drawings Phil had on the walls, the plants on the balcony. The plaid duvets resonated Dan's; but with more colour. Phil stared at Dan walking around his room, as if it was the best thing in the world. Suddenly, remembering the questionable letters on his desk, Phil sped across the room and compiled all the strewn sheets into the trash, gaining a curious look from the brown-haired boy. Dan stared up at the ceiling, to see the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered above.

"You added them?" Dan asked, his dimple rising to his cheeks.

"Yeah," Phil beamed back, "all 216 of them." Phil's expression turned dark suddenly, as he stared back at Dan; his eyes were dim, he still didn't know what was wrong. Dan's dimples subsided.

"Dan, please tell me whats wrong." Dan eyes clouded, as he shuffled into his pocket to grab a piece of paper. 

"Read it, I'm too scared to tell you."  
Dan fiddled with his sleeves as he saw Phil read through the letter. Just from his eyes, you could tell which part he was reading. Dan stared at the ground of the floor: he was sure Phil wouldn't feel the same way. Phil stared up suddenly, to see the boy staring at the ground.

"Dan Howell." Dan stared up rapidly, eyes wide.

"Yeah?" Dan asked. The tips of Phil's eyes were slightly moist with tears, and he couldn't help it.

"I love you too." Phil tackled Dan into a tender kiss as he fell back with his reaction. On the floor of Phil's room lay two boys who were in love each other: they shone brighter than the stars outside. There lay 217 stars on the ceiling. Dan's smile illuminated the sky.


End file.
